How to Write "Good"

Some of you may have seen this before, but I came across it for the first time at our university writing center and I had to share. Just some fun writing "advice." :)

The following was written by Frank L. Visco and originally published in the June 1986 issue of Writers' digest. (I found it on Plain Language) Enjoy:

“How to Write Good”

                   

•                   Avoid Alliteration. Always.
•                   Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
•                   Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
•                   Employ the vernacular.
•                   Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
•                   Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
•                   It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
•                   Contractions aren’t necessary.
•                   Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
•                   One should never generalize.
•                   Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.” 
•                   Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
•                   Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
•                   Profanity sucks.
•                   Be more or less specific.
•                   Understatement is always best.
•                   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
•                   One word sentences? Eliminate.
•                   Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
•                   The passive voice is to be avoided.
•                   Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
•                   Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
•          Who needs rhetorical questions?